Bad Childhood - Good Life

[MaKettle]

I've just started reading Bad Childhood - Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger & found some things I wanted to share before I get too far & forget where they are-

Chapter titles include-
To Be or Not to Be...a Victim
Moving Toward the Good Life
Closure Versus Resilience
About Your Parents...
How Do I Deal With My Anger, My Resentment, And My Own Crazy Self?
Never Seek Love from the Devil
How Do I Get Love?
The Good Journey


Teresa (a listener to the Dr. Laura radio program) wrote: "What happened to me in my childhood was not my fault.  How I handle it is my responsibility."

Kenneth (another listener) wrote in response to a woman who was holding onto her past: "Surely your skills as a therapist include familiarity with that 'warm bag of poop' so many of us carry around with us.  Imagining a real bag of offal makes it clear that a rational person would simply discard or bury the bag.  But we humans often insist on keeping that bag with us.  From time to time we dip our hand into the bag & stir it up.  Yes, it stinks & yes it is offensive, but it's OUR bag of poop & we're familiar with how it smells, how it feels, & we are comforted by that warm feeling of familiarity we often get from it.  If we let it go, bury it, or dispose of it, what do we have left that defines us?"

And, I can't find it right now, but to paraphrase:  Your parents abused you by denying you a normal, happy childhood & now you are abusing yourself by denying yourself a normal, happy life.

Has anyone else read this book & what did you think of it?

[rapunzel44]

Haven't read it but just ordered it from the library

Just can't seem to help myself....

[justine]

Ma...I havent read it but i remember when that i was glad to hear about it when she wrote it.   While i dont listen to her, due to her abrasive style with call ins, i do respect her as someone who is very good about saying, "so that's what happened TO you...now how are you going to live?"

I wonder if an older rad, who is starting to think "this cant be always everyone else's fault", would gain some insight from it?   I think if you read it, you may pick up some helpful ideas for drive-by conversations with dd14.

At any rate, PLEASE give us a book report here?   I havent visited the books suggestion site in awhile but i noticed a spam came thru on it recently.   I'd hate to lose that thread.    Rapunzel...looks like you owe us a book report too! 

[MaKettle]

I finished the book.  I think that it would be a great resource for someone who is trying to move out of the victim role or who might be open to some insight as to why they keep choosing the wrong boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses.

Unfortunately, DD is not ready & I can't help her get there.  I have, however, already started using some of it in "drive-by conversations with  DD14."     I especially like the 'bag of poop' as it fits DD so well, flinging it around whenever she's angry.

It covers being the victim & laying blame with everybody/everything else.  Using your diagnosis &/or bad childhood as an excuse.  Perfectionism as a way to prove that you can't be the problem.  Self esteem is earned by setting goals, working hard, risking failure & ultimately achieving your goals.  "Happiness does not come from what you get, it comes flowing from what you give."

Some of it is counter to what current psychologists are saying & somewhat controversial - but then, so is attachment therapy.

[justine]

Ma, thanks for the info....i had a good thought about the book based on its title and the info you just gave.   My dd24 wrote me a letter out of the blue last October.   She wrote as you said...all blame, no responsibility, perfectionism etc.   The great thing is the title being, "Bad Childhood, Good Life" might actually make her want to read it as she assumes her bad childhood was with ME and I was the one who ruined "everything" for her.

So...A rad could see the title and rather than do the "i dont have a problem so the book isnt for me"...she/he might say, "you know i DID have a bad childhood (because of mom and everyone else) so maybe this book will help.   Even if she thinks the book is going to play into her victim hood she may let down her guard enough to at least give the book a try...

So, hmm...i think i am going to read it and if i like it for her, i will find a way to get it to her.   Thanks again.   Rapunzel, when you read your copy, let us know what you think too, okay?

[MaKettle]

Justine,

One thought I had reading your post.  RADs are just illogical enough in their thinking that they could see us as the reason for their bad childhood - not their birthparents.

Anyway, read the book, see what you think.  Maybe tuck it away until DD is ready.

[Kevins Kitchen]

I like the Dr. Laura books. 

dd still knows about "The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives".

It was required reading before she could go on a date.

There's a "10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Theri Lives" for the ds's here.

I also like "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and it's companion book "Woman Power".

Any time you read, you get knowledge, and knowledge is power.

I didn't know that book was out, but I'll now plan on buying it and putting on our shelf.

dd can read it or not, but I'll certainly read it and tell her about it, and use some of anything there I find that's useful in our home.